I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
