He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
