Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
