Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
