i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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