K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I party with great urgency now.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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