ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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