Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
