Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
