i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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