HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
