Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
so much tequila, so little girl.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
