I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
