Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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