I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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