I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
