Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
