So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize