somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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