I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
