Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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