clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
