I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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