her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
