Can i not drive my cunt home
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
