I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
