I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wanna go halves on a baby?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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