it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
