I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
