I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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