I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
