You're so nebulous sometimes
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
