i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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