i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
