Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
