I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize