shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
