Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Randomize
