what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
