In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
