I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
