Me too!
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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