come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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