Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
