Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
