they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
