its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
