how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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