I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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