What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
