it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
