What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Randomize