worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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