Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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