Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
