She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
