Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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