Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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