Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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