She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
