You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
