i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
