the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
