You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
