I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
