At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
