No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
